Wednesday, February 13, 2013

There's Been a Run on Hipster Suits

I'm faced with yet another gender queer clothing conundrum.  This problem is causing me some anxiety as it seems to suggest that my occasional inclination to panic-purchase a lifetime supply of skinny jeans and "slim fit" shirts before the hipster craze passes is not too bad an idea.  Thank god for hipster boys.

I am absurdly scrawny.  I have been on a decades-long quest to gain ten pounds (or even twenty) and for the love of god, build up some arm muscles.  As I've mentioned previously, a lot of masculine-styled clothes are enormous on me.  What most stores consider a men's or unisex "small" usually makes me look I am drowning in fabric.  "Regular" fit jeans look similarly ridiculous.

My partner and I are having a wedding this summer and I'd like to wear what appears to be the queer masculinity wedding uniform: gray dress pants with a button down shirt and gray vest.  Thus far, it has been unbelievably difficult to find these items in a size and fit that make me look like an adult and not a fifteen-year-old going to a cheesy school dance.  I know I'm going to have to get whatever we settle on tailored, but tailors are tailors, not magicians.  You've got to at least find a reasonable starting point.  So far, I've ordered a vest and pants combo from the internet that yielded and great-fitting vest, but bizarrely baggy so-called "slim fit" pants.  In attempting round two, I've found some vests that might work, but they don't come in a color that matches any pants that will work.  Or they don't come in gray.  Or they don't come in my size.  At least three websites I checked said they were fresh out of skinny suits of almost any variety, though it does  appear I could get a purple extra slim tuxedo jacket and matching skinny pants (in case you don't believe me...).

I'm pretty concerned about this state of affairs. Are skinny suits super popular, and thus out of stock everywhere we turn or is the hipster craze passing?  Are skinny pants on the way out?  (If that's the case, I'd better do some blue jeans stockpiling).  I've had no better luck going shopping in person thus far, though I plan to make another foray this weekend.  Stay posted for scrawny suit updates.